Shepherding a Child's Heart

Josh and I decided this weekend that we needed to change some things in the way that we have been disciplining Ben. It just doesn't seem to be working and we need to be more consistent. We pulled out our copy of Shepherding a Child's heart and this is what we learned: obviously don't feel like you need to read all of this I just kind of wanted it write it out so that I could look back and remind myself from time to time

The "When" of Spanking

A child needs to be spanked when you have given a directive that they have heard and is within the capacity to understand and he has not obeyed without challenge, without excuse or without delay .
If anyone has seen Ben in action he has a lot more spanking before he gets to this point

You must not warn. You must not ask if they want to be spanked. If you do you are training them to wait for the warning before they obey

The "How" of Spanking

Warnings - you must avoid responding in Anger, you must avoid treating the child with proper respect for his personal dignity. You must temper unwavering firmness with kindness and gentleness. You must keep the spanking focused on the issues of the heart.
The 4 steps
1. take your child to a private place where he can be spanked with in privacy (you show respect for the child to taking them away from others and not humiliating him)
2. Tell him specifically what he has done or failed to do. With preschoolers the spankings must always be associated with and issue
3. Secure an acknowledgement from the child of what he has done (this can take some time) you must get them to admit that they were wrong.
example: Father: Daddy told you that you should pick up your toys didn't he?
Child: nodding yes
Father: you didn't obey me, did you?
Child: no
Father you know what Daddy must do. he must spank you . . .
4. remind the child that you must spank because it will bring him back to the place of Blessing with God. The spanking shows the parents willingness to submit to God's directives as well
5. Tell the child how many spanks he will get (this helps make sure that you are in control of yourself)
6. Remove the underwear (diaper) so that spanking is not lost in the padding of the pants (remove the underwear immediately before the spanking takes place and replace as soon as it is over)
7. After you have spanked, put the child on your lap telling him how much you love him, give hugs Tell him you do not like to spank him and that you hope to not have to do it again At this point there should be complete restoration between you and the child if there is still anger or resentment something was not handled correctly.
8. Pray - Remind the child that there is forgiveness through Christ

The "Why" of Spanking

God Commands it. It also enables you to deal with issues of the heart

The focal point of spanking is the heart of the child being called into submission to God's authority